I learned a few years ago why marriage counseling doesn’t save marriages. For me and my wife it had failed us and statistics show it has been of very little help to most couples facing troubled marriages. The secret to saving your marriage from a divorce will probably not be traditional marriage counseling. I discovered that there are 5 steps that everyone must first take before any meaningful change can take place. If you find yourself on the verge of a divorce and you want to save your marriage, I’d encourage you to read this carefully before taking the next important step.
First of all, let me explain why marriage counseling isn’t much help in saving a troubled marriage. The reason is that most counselors have received their training and education in INDIVIDUAL counseling, not MARRIAGE counseling. There is a very distinct difference! Individual counseling focuses on the health and life satisfaction of the individual, which often has very little to do with a marriage. This is why the focus of these counselors tends to be more on the couple as individuals, rather than the marriage itself. The truth is, many of these well meaning “marriage” counselors often know very little about how to actually save a marriage that is on the brink of divorce.
The single best strategy for rebuilding a troubled marriage is to actually treat the marriage itself as the client rather than the people in the marriage. This is considered to be a revolutionary approach and one that is foreign to most counselors, who focus on communication skills and conflict resolution. These can be helpful exercises, but ultimately not the building blocks to a solid marriage.
If you are facing a divorce there are 5 steps or important pieces of advice that need to be followed:
- Learn about the common critical mistakes that must be avoided and what to do instead
- Avoid a negative emotional state and put yourself in a calm, confident and resourceful state
- Avoid playing the “blame game” with your partner
- Be absolutely committed to saving your marriage no matter what it takes
- Be willing to take immediate action and follow a proven plan that may seem strange at first
This will lay the foundation for a proven and effective approach to saving marriages that has worked time after time. It worked in my own marriage, even though my wife was originally planning to divorce me.